Tuesday, June 1, 2010

17 Going on 70

Bedtime generally arrives around 9:30. Saturday nights now mean Midsommer Murders and taste testing every type of tea in my cupboard. Money is spent mostly on pretty cardigans, stockings and funny brooches and when people ask how I possibly have so much free time my answer is simple. I am underage.
We are the forgotten ones. Those cut down in our prime, old before we ever had a real chance to be young. Those who would probably have a better chance of finding a like-minded soul in a retirement home. We are the December babies.
I am sure I am not alone. Everyone around you has turned 18 and suddenly you seem to be seeing less and less of them. Sound familiar? So here I offer you fellow doomed youngens advice on how to fake it.

1. drink beer ginger beer. Delicious and deceptive. Try convincing your people that it is a new, foreign, ginger flavoured beer.*
2. hang outside A barrier is just a challenge. Advise your friends to sit in the smokers section. Unpack the fold away chair in your backpack and join them. Sipping ginger beer could add to the illusion.
3. stay up really late This could be a good time to catch up on your studies. Whatever it is you decide to do in the wee hours of the morning be sure to not hit the pillow until you are sure you have sufficiently screwed up your body clock. That way in the afternoon you can wake up at the same time as your friends and go around saying how late you got to bed.

Frankly being youthful sounds rather exhausting. I don’t know why I expect everything to change once my day comes. The next Saturday I will probably still be here, in front of the telly with my little crocheted blanket covering my knees, watching another murder mystery unravel.

*I cannot guarrantee how effective this is but if you find someone who is not entirely fluent in English you may have hit the jackpot

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